And just like that Christmas is here! I bet you are thinking about what to get your loved ones as a gift or what you want yourself. I have an idea – find something you already possess and that you have easy access to. The gift I have in mind is self-awareness. Over the past 8 years, my experience as a ministry leader, coach, wife, and teammate has reaffirmed this idea: the greatest gift I can give to those around me is the best, healthiest version of myself.
Self-awareness is the opportunity to know yourself deeply and to recognize when things are not as they should be so that you can move toward the best you possible.
In his book, Emotional Intelligence (Why it can matter more than IQ), Daniel Goleman says: “Self-awareness is the key cornerstone to emotional intelligence. The ability to monitor our emotions and thoughts from moment to moment is key to understanding ourselves better, being at peace with who we are and proactively managing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.”
As a leadership coach, I am on the lookout for easily assessible tools that can help clients grow in new ways in order to reach their goals. A few years ago, I discovered the Enneagram (ennea = nine, gram = diagram) personality assessment. It has become the number one tool I use to help others discover more about themselves so that they can grow in self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It has been around for hundreds of years and used primarily by therapists and those in ministry.
It uses nine basic personality types to describe why you think, feel and behave in particular ways based upon your core fears, core desires, and core motivations.
Here is a peek at the nine types. See if any of them resonate with you:
Type One-Reformer
Also known as the Perfectionistic Reformer. Their focus is to make the world ‘right’ in their eyes. They are conscientious, principled and can be very purpose-driven. Their core desire is to be moralistic or to be good because they fear being wrong. Their core motivation is to be perfect and make everything around them perfect. They may get frustrated with themselves and others for not being able to achieve the same high standards as they do, which can lead to resentment.
Type Two-Helper
Their focus is to take care of others’ needs in an effort to feel loved and accepted. They are generous, empathetic and can be very humble. Their core desire is to connect with others as a way to be needed because they fear being unwanted. Sometimes this can cause issues with them being unable to know what they themselves need. And they may struggle with pride believing that they alone have all the resources you need in that moment.
Type Three-Achiever
Also known as the Successful Performer. To be perceived as successful in the eyes of others is their goal. They are assertive, like to be the best, and have a focus on winning. Because they fear failure, they work hard to get the job done. Their focus of attention is on what they feel you want them to be, which can lead to struggling to understand who they truly are.
Type Four-Individualist
They are artistic, with an eye for beauty. This type is highly attuned to their own emotions and that of others. They have the ability to feel deeply and are motivated by emotional connectedness with others. They are the consummate romantic and can retreat into their inner fantasy world. The Individualist fears being plain so they desire to find their unique significance and may struggle with feeling that something important is missing in them.
Type Five-Investigator
With a passion for knowledge/ideas, and an ability to focus along with a keen intellect, this type is a visionary who is able to articulate whole new paradigms. They have also earned a reputation as the ‘absent-minded’ professor. Their core desire is to be competent in all things which stems from a fear of being ignorant. They tend to have a low amount of energy and therefore have learned to hold on to resources in order to get through their day, hoarding resources such as affection and emotions.
Type Six-Loyalist
Full of courage and the ability to stay the course, this type is trustworthy and self-reliant. When not filled with doubt they are very decisive and committed. Because they fear danger and chaos, they are motivated by the need to be safe and secure. This causes them to think through worst case scenarios in order to be prepared for the worst. They may struggle with knowing the difference between true danger and discomfort, which makes them more anxious than others.
Type Seven-Enthusiast
Also known as the Optimistic Enthusiast. They are joyful, playful and spontaneous with a natural ability to savor the richness of the world. If not distracted or scattered, they have huge potential for accomplishment. Their core motivation is to feel good at all costs because they fear feeling pain of any kind. They have learned the art of re-framing which gives them the ability to see a silver lining in all things, in an effort to make everything appear better.
Type Eight-Challenger
Intensity! They are self-determining, big-hearted and powerful. At times their need for control can be overwhelming. They are working constantly to protect themselves from others who may betray them or who may see their vulnerabilities. They are natural born leaders who appreciate directness and truth. But when they are direct, it may come across as anger because they are trying hard to cover up their tender side.
Type Nine-Peacemaker
Peace and harmony are the driver for a nine. At their best they are patient, unpretentious and have the ability to recognize the highest potential in others. Their core fear is of conflict, both within themselves and in others. They are motivated by avoiding tension or discord in all things which may make them merge into others’ passions and desires instead of understanding their own. They have the ability to see all perspectives of any situation, which makes them good mediators.
Then [the Enneagram] gives you clear paths toward growth so that you can begin recognizing certain patterns and habits that have you living on auto-pilot.
When I first learned my type, I felt like someone had cracked the code of me that was specific to me and it gave me the ability to give myself grace and compassion as I began to learn more about what made me unique. Once you are able to determine what type you are, you may experience relief because you realize you are not the only one who feels like you do. Or you may feel exposed, like someone has read your journal. Either way, lean into it. There is only one of you and you need to be the best version of yourself.
Life is a journey that we are all on together. However, the person you spend the most time with on this journey is you. Wouldn’t it be great if you got to know that person intimately in order to enjoy your time with them?
If you decide to move forward, there are several paths you can take as you begin learning about the Enneagram. Check out The Enneagram Institute at www.theenneagraminstitute.com or read The Road Back To You, by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. If you have more time and want to truly invest in yourself, hiring an Enneagram coach is also an option. Whatever you decide to do, be sure to keep an open, compassionate mind and see what you learn. As Ian Morgan Cron says: “The Enneagram is a tool that teaches you who you were supposed to be before the world told you who you are.” My hope is that you will find who you truly are and who you were truly meant to be.
Merry Christmas!
Ann Connor is a Certified Enneagram Coach and a Certified Christian Leadership Coach. She does one-on-one coaching as well as speaks and teaches the Enneagram to groups of all sizes. Mary Ann uses the Enneagram as a tool to help people discover their true identity of who they were meant to be before the world told them who they should be.
Mary Ann has been coaching and mentoring for over 10 years and currently lives in Dallas with her husband of 36 years and has two grown children and a new granddaughter. You can learn more at www.pathwaystoyou.com or reach her at maryann@pathwaystoyou.com.